Wow!

I have been gone for so long.
Its already March 2010 and I havent been here since about september. Which was right after Nick and I lost our first child, a daughter; Leila Rene` Onisko.
I have since my last post I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Which is extremely hard. It has been my everyday somtimes all day battle since I got the flu in early October. Keep me inyour prayers. I will probably battle this my whole life, but my faith in our Lord Jesus Christ is too big to give up. Yes I have my doubts when the anxiety kicks me a little harder than I'm used to but hey, if I dont have Christ what do I have?
The anxiety and depression that follows me around makes me feel like I'm in a dream, like things are artificial and unreal..I over think things way way way too much and that adds to the problem. But I'm gonna continue to fight til the day Jesus takes this problem away. I trust that it could be The Lord is letting this happen to me so I can become so much stronger for somthing else that will be harder..or so that I can help others with this same exact problem and lead them to our Saviour; Jesus Christ.

Also, some other things have happened since my last post...such as my boyfriend moving in to my family's home in the middle of october..possibly being pregnant again...losing my best friend..gaining her again..and again losing her for good..making plans to get married..fighing through online schooling..starting the process of finding my biological father..finding out my not biological but life long father has been sentenced to another 9 months in prison...going to GU 2010..getting new friends..losing a lot of old ones...becoming closer to Christ...two of my oldest friends Sara and Tyler havging their first baby, A son; Jayden..deciding to peirce my monroe...it goes on..but the four things that are ALWAYS ALWAYS constant in all of these equations...God, My family, Nick, and Learning from everything that happens.

Wow. I have a lot to tell you about. Keep watching...well, reading...I won't leave you for months again!

Brianananananananananananananaaaaaaaaaa